Prison Ice Cream Recipe

So let’s say you are in prison, or a mental hospital, or a cheap hotel in a third world nation somewhere on the Gloss and it’s 90 degrees out, you’re mostly broke, and you really really really could use a cold refreshing treat. This recipe comes to us in two versions from Brian G. – who did some time for possession with intent to sell (marijuana) and Elaine who has spent some time in some of the South’s nicer mental hospitals due to PTSD and depression.

Both Brian and Elaine assure us all these ingredients can be acquired in confinement for the right amounts of trade goods (cigarettes, quarters, phone cards, etc) and if you are in that cheap hotel you can try a dollar store or convenience store.

You will need a few things…but the biggest is a jar with a screw on lid, an empty Peanut Butter jar is Brian’s recommendation. And a clean trash can or plastic bucket.

Then you’ll need:

  • 1/2 jar of coffee creamer (liquid kind, flavored if you can get it)
  • 1 pint of milk
  • 5 Sweet’n’Lows
  • a spoonful of vanilla extract
  • cookie crumbles, candy pieces, bits of mint if you can get them.
  • Bag of ice
  • Salt – lots and lots…hoard it if you can.

So here’s the recipe.

  1. Pour your pint of milk into your jar.
  2. Pour your coffee creamer into the jar.
  3. Add your sweetners and vanilla extract to the jar.
  4. Add your cookie crumbs or candy bits to the jar.
  5. Shake really, really well.
  6. Set your jar aside and pour your ice into the trash can.
  7. Put in the jar.
  8. Cover in lots of salt,
  9. Cover with a shirt, blanket, towel – the heavier the better.
  10.  Let sit for 1/2 to 2 hours.

Eat when firm.

That’s it.


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