Hey, Baby, What if I don’t Want to Marry You?

So tonight I’m going to make everybody hate me. I don’t particularly care.

I’ve been really sick which means a lot of time skimming Facebook. Facebook is great for minimal interaction “living”.

But for the moment I want to discuss something that really bothers me. For convenience I am going to use guy and lady in the traditional sense but homosexuals and trans are not exempt her. They participate in this particular evil as well.

I talking about all those public proposal videos. Guy proposes to the lady in a stadium, on a crowded beach in a full restaurant. And everyone thinks these are so romantic.

Frankly I don’t.

These huge public proposals are psychological traps. They are the guy equivalent of getting intentionally pregnant.

For those of you who kept reading let me explain why.

The lady in the matter may theoretically have several choices. Yes, no or maybe being the biggies…

but in a situation where there are people watching then the lady’s choices really break down to:

If I say Yes I will make all these people happy and they will cheer and admire me and applaud and smile and I will be the center of a very large amount of positive energy. They don’t know that this man

beats me/cheats on me/steals from me/means well but is immature/lives in his parent’s basement, they just know that he is being “brave” and risking rejection (not really) and they all want me to say yes.

If I say No, I will disappoint all these people, I will look mean for ignoring my guy’s “brave act”, and then there will be the people who assume there is something wrong with me because I turned him down. Will they think I am a bitch/lesbian/pregnant/crazy person? And there will be awkward silences and people who are confused because I did not say yes, and all the people filming this will be angry, and everyone will be sad and I will be the focus of all this negative energy.

And if I say Maybe, a lot of the same bad things will happen but it will last longer and people will add the word “judgmental” to the word “bitch”.

A quick Googling found only five links to ladies saying no and in all five of those articles the lady was trolled, vilified, called names in the comments, or disparaged in other ways. There were threats, and body shaming remarks, and plenty of commiserations for the guys…

…guys who may have been really cool but also may have had any of the flaws mentioned above plus any number of others.

And all the sappy big production proposals to Bruno Mars songs do not change that.

And the guy with the 99 iPhones or the dude at Shea Stadium may not even know what love is. To me these romantic proposals are not romantic. Romantic is decades together. Romantic is helping your wife through cancer or your husband through Alzheimers. Romantic is raising an autistic child or surviving a house fire. Romantic is stroking your partner’s head during their nightmares, or letting your partner cuss you out for that genuinely stupid thing you did. Romantic is the wife who turns in her druggie husband and the post-rehab husband who comes back to his wife. Romance is hardship and hard truths and romance is the quiet times over coffee or the inside joke no one else gets but you.

That is romance. That is love. And frankly that sort of love does not actually require marriage at all, although if it comes, fine. That is marriage after trial by fire, trial by combat, trial by life. That is marriage with honor.

But marriage should never be a prize for bad behavior.

10,000 people in a stadium chanting “Say Yes.” is nothing less than an ego trip for him/her and slow torture for you. 100% pure D bullshite manipulation.

Ladies, Gents, my advice to you marry the person who asks you privately and haltingly and who speaks the words without any guilt or obligation attached. Or don’t marry at all.

Anything else is all about the person asking, you are merely a thing at that point, an object, a focal point, a prize to be won.

And that is just wrong.

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