Autism, Gender and WTF

Here is another blog in a very rare vein.

I rarely, if ever, discuss my Asperger’s/High Functioning Autism with anyone and I certainly never discuss gender roles.

I am female, but I am not a feminist and in fact hold a special place of loathing in my heart for people who are.

Yes, the male entitlement society and the American rape culture are both real and both very very wrong, but Ladies so is the idea that anything with a penis is evil and therefor a worthy place to project all your anger, fears, and insecurities. Penis does not equal Satan, womb does not equal God, and the real problem is not a lack of equality but rather that both genders are seeking superiority.

Equal means equal not better.

But back to autism and gender.

Like many autists, I am not really qualified to comment on what gender means.

I have no freaking clue.

Like the majority of us (who react adulthood without being taught that we are autists rather than humans by parents who seem to believe that those of us with autism require different care and feeding schedules from normal humans) I often do have various gender issues.

And I am vehemently not alone in this. For some famous examples, look at Susan Boyle (an Aspie) before she was discovered and introduced to the world of image based glamour…or at Temple Grandin anytime.

We were so busy learning how to act “normal” that we rarely made the next step up to male versus female normal.

And it’s also interesting that so many of us who are self taught, tend to have gone with the Alpha image in our collective society.

Yes, despite the hype, the movements, and the million zillion billion tropes and memes, most of us decided that society’s Alpha figures were all male.

And why not?

They get paid more, are allowed the more interesting jobs, can travel more freely, are not made fun of if they are good at math or engineering, wear more comfortable clothes, are not expected to shave their entire body, can take off their shirts to get a better tan, wear more comfortable shoes, and are allowed all of the more interesting or intellectual hobbies.

Even now.

Anyone who tells me that females have the same rights as males is going to get laughed at.

And I am not saying that it is all beer and skittles or peaches and cream for that matter for the guys, either. I’m really not.

As someone who does not really think about gender or sexuality at all I have friends and coworkers that are male, female, androgynous, hermaphrodite (2!) or trans-sexual…and believe me we all have worries. If you don’t believe it then I dare you to try to pass for a different sex for a day…male or female or trans. I guarantee you’ll miss something and get called out for it.

But in the US, well, yes, this is currently a patriarchy of sorts. A far more laid back one than say the Druze culture or strict Islamic cultures of the Middle East, but still a patriarchy.

And one with some built in weirdnesses?

I mean how does one go about learning to be a girl?

I have one well meaning relative that is constantly sending me Cosmopolitan and other ladies magazines, Facebook posts, feminist pamphlets, and so on and being an adult and a rationalist what I immediately did with these was take them to my lady friends and say “Hey, do women really act like this?”

Ladies, the answer is usually NO. Do real women do boobie checks at the bottom of every stairwell? Um, no. Or powder their vaginas (yes, I said it – if you call your vagina a veejayjay or something that just tells me you are uncomfortable with the concept and need to put on your big girl panties) with glitter or talcum powder before going out? Again, no. Do we all live the Martha Stewart dream or the desire a Paula Dean kitchen? Nope.

But not all of us want to burn our bras or go topless either. Or bang drums and chant things like “Hell no, this penis parties got to go!”

And what about the boys?

How do you learn to be male?

Is it all Nascar and Guns&Ammo? All pickup trucks, beer, dark clothes, and mancaves?

Again apparently not. In fact among my twenty odd male friends only two drive trucks (and they work construction) and only one has a mancave – and it’s more like a geek cave.

I also have male friends that like to cook, clean, or garden and who wear pink – and who are not in fact, gay.

So I guess, in summation here, I just want to say this…

in the abstract and collective sense, male and female are just things and people, on average, are not things. We are all different as any preacher but also any surgeon can tell you.

So why do we live in a culture that seems to assume otherwise? And how can we possible expect NOT to have trouble along the way?

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