So here is my mini-rant of the day…
Why when trapped in limbo (waiting room, airport, doctor’s office, hospital room, car, parking lot) do I find a laptop in my lap?
In truth it only frustrates me more as it tends to demonstrate how very alone I actually am.
I write to P. No response.
I write to B. No response.
I write to B2. No response.
I write to R. No response.
…and so on through a list of 500 contacts and there is nothing…not even a good old fashioned “Bugger off” to let me know if I am getting through. Even a negative response would be better than all this silent passive aggressive uncertainty, but even that is apparently too much effort for many.
I have fantasies where I see these messages going nowhere at all because the internet reay is just a Philip K. Dick-esque construct between my ears, fantasies wherein people just drop the emails directly into their trashcans (made more real by the people who tell me they do just that – empty the inbox without reading it because the people they want to hear from are more likely to text), fantasies wherein the people see my name and cringe or swear and say something like “Doesn’t she get the message? Why does she keep bothering me?” and then delete the message.
Why the hell can’t people just tell you to leave them alone so that you a) actually know where you stand and b) quit wasting your time AND theirs?
How hard is it to type or text “Go away” ???
Too hard apparently. TL;DR.
Maybe if there were an emoji? Sort of a middle finger symbol?
I’ll periodically send out an email telling people to let me know if they want to be removed from the list and I usually hear back from this one guy who drives me crazy but is a business colleague asking me to keep him on my list.
God, he apparently needs that “you’ve got mail” more than I do, which is sad because I am like a five year old demanding attention, asking that someone, anyone, validate my existence.
And there is Facebook, G+, Twitter, my cellphone. How often have I written, posted, tweeted, and texted only to then spend an anxious few minutes waiting to see if I will get a response? Far too often to count myself as fully sane, I fear.
So am I really real? No idea, and isn’t more than a little bit odd that I like many others sit down at least once a day to check in on a world (cyberspace, Internet, cell signal) that is not in fact, empirically real (outside of the radiation emitted,all this stuff is ones and zeros and consensual mass hallucination) to try to find an answer to that question?
Right. Well, just when I started doubting my sanity I started coming across various studies n all the journals I read that show that there are those who check a hundred or more times a day.
Okay, then. So our whole culture needs a reality check on their “reality check”. Creepy.
See all the media zombies with their phones? You get that ring/text tone and the Pavlovian response kicks in as they, we, I, you check to see if humanity is real, to see if we are important, still relevant; and to check in on our existence in a non-real virtual sphere in order to prove that we exist in this one.
Worse, the studies go on to say that desperate as media culture is to be validated the majority of its component bits (us) will not lift a finger (or thumb) to validate another bit.
So are any of our emails being read?
I just read a whole article in a prominent business magazine (WSJ) that talked about email hygiene and why you should never write an email if a text would do and why you should just empty your box entirely save for things like internet order notifications!
So am I being deleted? Oh yes. Figuratively in the sense that my communications really are going nowhere more than half the time and literally in that each time someone ignores me some small chunk of my self-esteem (which is tied irrationally into this system) dies a little more.
Ironically that makes us one of the best connected and most isolated cultures on Earth.
And I’m sitting here writing this.
Um, so, is there anybody out there?
(Just nod if you can hear me/Is there anyone at home?)